Happy New Year!

I say Happy New Year when really I know that new years day is kind of arbitrary. Yes, it can be a helpful marking point, but really every day, every moment brings an opportunity for a new start!

Anyway… that aside, in the spirit of New Year and all that, I set about setting some goals and I ended up winding myself up into a feeling of being a little nuts! I am going to share how I did that, how I untangled it out and what I decided to do for new years goals instead.

Traditional methods of goal setting that never worked for me:

First of all - here’s how I used to set goals in the past (that I absolutely never reached):

- I would follow the advice of some respectable person who seemed to know what he/she was talking about.

- I set a desired outcome that I thought was a good idea.

- I reverse engineered a perfectly planned and structured schedule. I often outlined a detailed calendar, created financial projections and other stuff too.

I basically used to create a perfectly organized plan I would get an A+ for in a Business Organisation class.

Here’s why I never reached any of those goals: I forgot to take into account one crucial part of the puzzle – ME!

The Personality Part

I am an emotional creature. When I’m lined up with what I’m doing (when I love it, when it absolutely means to me, when I’m clear) I work consistently and energetically and I will learn and do whatever I need to in order to create. I LOVE to create. When I’m on form I’m on fire.

If I’m off form, I have ways to get back on form that usually work nicely, but some days I am just off form and that’s that.

I used to think these off form days were bad days when I wasn’t “pushing through” or was “giving up on my plan” or whatever. Now I realise that being “off form” is also beautiful guidance. Maybe it’s guidance that I’m not aligned with what I’m doing or maybe it’s guidance that I’m resistant. Maybe it’s guidance to take a fresh look or to pivot or maybe it’s just guidance that I’m a human being and I need to rest.

I realized that I was in the habit of creating perfect plans from a logical perspective, with things I thought made great goals, but I couldn’t stick to them because they weren’t emotionally charged enough for me, Aoife. I wasn’t including me in the picture.

I’m someone who believes that life is happening now. I’m not big on the idea of pushing through days of my life just so I can keep moving towards an end goal. I know that works for other people. That’s great. It doesn’t work for me.

I still want to achieve, though. So what to do…?

The 2018 goal setting saga – and ultimate resolution:

Well, let me tell you about my 2018 plans.

First - I am ready for change! I feel like I hibernated in 2017 and did a lot of creation and was introspective and laid a lot of groundwork. In 2018 I want more connection and collaboration and social stuff and fun. Sharing and joy and things like that.

So I thought about what I want to do… I made a list and some of the things I listed were:

- I want to record myself singing my songs and playing guitar and share these video. I’m excited to see where all this leads me (maybe recording, maybe live shows, maybe collaborations, maybe a new band…)

- I want to do interviews and collaborations for My Message Is Love and I want to start a podcast reading these blogs.

- I want to travel to see some of my current favourite bands – IAMX and Larkin Poe for two.

Pretty cool, right?

Still it felt FLAT.

Now I was confused. What’s wrong? I’ve got these epic, aligned things I want to do and still it feels FLAT.

So I sat with it for a minute, then I asked myself Why?

Why do I want to do these things and not some other things? What do I think I will feel by doing all of this?

Answers flooded through…

- I’m excited to record music by myself for the first time and be in the absolute joy of that expression. I’m excited and open to where this leads me - maybe recording, maybe live shows, maybe collaborations, maybe a new band…

- I want My Message Is Love to feel more social, connected and enjoyable (and hopefully more beneficial for everyone). I want to connect and collaborate with kindred, creative, passionate spirits and enjoy their conversation and learn from them. I want to help others through me having lots of fun.

- I want to do feel inspired and adventurous visiting inspiring places and doing what I enjoy so much – experiencing amazing and new music at live shows of bands I am not likely to see any time soon in Dublin, Ireland.

Better, right?

You can feel that the emotion behind this – that it’s all more charged.

Then it dawned on me!

THESE THINGS ARE THE GOALS!

The feelings are the goals! Connection, Creativity, Expansion, Fun, Flow...

The feelings are the goals and any action is just the play with which to more deeply enjoy the feelings!

How cool is that?!

So that felt great for a while and then I felt my energy kind of drop again and a heavy feeling come over me. I was wondering why…

The subtext

I took another minute to get still and quiet (I’m well used to working with my deep, bionic brain now and I’m good at teasing answers and truths out quickly)…

I realized that I have a subtext of limiting/self sabotaging beliefs in relation to these and all the other desires I have and it goes something like this:

THE DESIRE: I want to record myself singing my songs and playing guitar and share these video. I’m excited to see where all this leads me (maybe recording, maybe live shows, maybe collaborations, maybe a new band…)

THE SUBTEXT: I’m not a good enough musician yet and I haven’t figured out lighting and I hate all of that work anyway…

THE DESIRE: I want to do interviews and collaborations for My Message Is Love and I want to start a podcast reading these blogs.

THE SUBTEXT: How can I possibly do all of that plus edit and promote? I'm not good at promotion anyway…

THE DESIRE: I want to travel to see some of my current favourite bands - IAMX and Larkin Poe for two.

THE SUBTEXT: Who would i even travel with to go to gigs of non-mainstream bands? How expensive would that be anyway?

You see what I mean?

Full disclosure: This moany-cow part of my brain is not my favourite part.

It is bloody useful, though, and in this case it showed me something: My (previously subconscious) pattern:

I have desires
I get excited about them
I feel unsure I have the ability to create them (even though I've created WAAAAYYYY less likely and bigger things in my life)
This causes a contradiction within that feels heavy
I get disheartened
I pull back.

As Lana Del Rey sings in Ride: “I’ve got a war in my mind!!”

God, it’s uncomfortable to write this stuff. It sounds so overdramatic. I’m being really honest, though, because I hope it will help someone, and regardless, I’m sure it’s helping me to be so clear.

Becoming conscious means that I can create change.

Not allowing myself to dream and believe I can have what I dream is basically giving up on life, isn’t it? Think about it!

Do you ever do this too? Isn't it uncomfortable to admit it?

The light bulb moments!

So I stopped and made a decision to change these default habits of thought and as soon as I did that – as soon as I stopped and said “No. Here’s where change happens”:

★ I remembered that I have a choice to believe the moany-cow thoughts or to choose to think differently and in a way that supports me.

★ I remembered what I have written in multiple blogs from the poem Desiderata by Max Ehrmann, that I am a child of the Universe.

“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

★ I remembered all my words about having a healthy sense of entitlement to all that life has to offer and a generosity of spirit in giving back. Being like a tree or in Tree – state. Read more HERE

★ I remembered that I can choose to feel isolated and individual or I can choose to remember that there are solutions and possibilities far beyond my limited thinking and that I am most open to them, and most powerful, when I get out of this loop-y head thinking.

… and then I happened upon a livestream by the amazing Larissa Roberts, who said "It's less about [goals and] manifesting and more about deciding 'This is what i choose. Show me the way.’”

★ I remembered that so often we, people, tend to create goals, intentions from a place of lack, of wanting what we don’t have rather than focusing on the feeling of what we desire and leaning into it.

★ I remembered: @@Life is for living. The work is play.@@

It occurred to me that writing comes so easily to me. Why? Because I feel my way through it... Same with editing... I read, I feel my way through the reading and the edits show themselves to me. (Email me and we can schedule a call if you want to learn more about how you can do this too.) It can be the same with goal setting and with anything else!

So at the end of all that, here is my 10 step unconventional process for goal setting at the New Year - or any other time - to create whatever it is you want in your life and enjoy the whole process:

1. Do what it takes to loosen up, lighten up and open up energetically (meditation, a walk or workout, candles, music, a quiet space…)

2. Prepare to be brave and honest

3. Focus on what you want to feel and experience for the New Year or whatever time ahead

4. Go deeper with these desires, "milk" them - why? what is it you want to feel more of in your life? Consider where you already have these feelings in your life.

5. Consider how you can bring more of them into your life

6. Listen for whispers. Are there any subtexts or beliefs you have that you could hear now? Lean in to them. There is guidance here and you can clear these resistances and reassure yourself and recommit.

7. Be open to any inspired nudges or intuitive guidance

8. Is there any action you can take right now? Or put in your calendar? Something that feels like a great next step?

9. Stay open to possibilities - maybe there are more ways to fulfill your desires that you have been believing or seeing.

10. Stay in the feeling place of what you desire and have faith in life and in yourself. Be open to change if you want to change.

The work is play!

Hopefully, I’m not the only person in the world who gets caught up in her head, falls back into old habits, gets a bit mean to herself and takes the scenic route to getting back on track! And hopefully this (confessional) blog has been helpful for you.

I would absolutely LOVE to hear how you want to FEEL in 2018... please post your words below! (Thank you!) ❤︎

Have an absolutely beautiful 2018 full of love, luck, loveliness, all you desire to feel and experience and lots of happy writing!

Thank you so very much for being here!

Aoife xo

P.S. Write Your Book In 2018!!! You KNOW you want to! Start by taking my FREE writing course “How To Write Your Non-Fiction” Book”